Becoming a new parent is hard. You go into the hospital, and then they just let you leave…. in my case with 2 babies!! Everything changed the minute the twins arrived. I had this picture in my head of how it would all be. nope. I started to think to myself “What should you let go?”, in order to keep my sanity. Your list could be different, since everyone has different priorities, so no judging from anyone around here!
The Idea of Sleep
From the minute these tiny humans arrive, they will be your most relentless boss, waking you at all hours of the night. In the beginning, it is all about survival as you struggle through the sleep deprivation. Every few hours you will kick your husband awake to help you change diapers, and get babies in position to nurse. You will struggle through 3am nursing sessions, falling asleep as you scroll through facebook looking for new Tulas or message boards with other moms all making sure we aren’t messing up this mom thing. Teething toddlers, and sick kids, or staying up late to get laundry or work done will all come into effect as you go along. Even though my kids are typically great sleepers, waking up refreshed is a thing of the past. Instead I try to focus on ways to increase my energy through things like exercise and coffee.
A Clean House
I have friends with kids, and their house is always perfectly organized and clean. My house is a constant combination of looking like a twin tornado just blew through, while still embracing undecorated walls and boxes in the basement from when we moved while I was ridiculously pregnant almost 3 years ago. Do I wish I had a better handle on the state of my house? Some days. Some days I would prefer to watch Netflix or relax in my pool instead of clean. It keeps my sanity from the crazy days I keep up with, so I’m learning to let it go while trying to find a balance so we do have enough clean underwear and the dishes don’t pile up.
Seeing Your Friends
I remember when our friends started having kids, we didn’t ask them to hang out because we “didn’t want to bother them.” We imagined that if they were free and wanted to see us, they would call. I imagine most of our friends felt the same way about us, and with newborn twins we were missing the nights out for drinks or dinner, talking with grown adults instead of screaming, pooping babies. The truth is we wanted people to call, but in reality most nights we were exhausted on the couch by 8pm. After kids, things are so different. You’ll still see your friends, but in a different way, and likely less frequently than before. Getting a babysitter (thanks Nana!) for the night, or having people over after the kids are asleep are our favorite ways to squeeze it in. You may find you have new friends to add to the mix. Having someone else in the same stage of life as you right now, is a life saver.
The Idea of the Perfect Balance
I had this idea in my head before the kids were born that I would be able to balance everything perfectly. Some days I feel like I have my shit together. The laundry gets done, the house is semi clean, the kids take naps, I am calm & relaxed. Most days though, I am in a constant state of feeling like I can never catch up. There is simply not enough hours to get in everything I want to, so something has to suffer. While I’m a constant work in progress to figure out more efficient ways to balance my time, and get things done, I’m accepting the fact that I will never feel like I have it all figured out. Instead I am embracing the chaos, but trying to control it a little better.
Knowing Everything/Being Perfect
You take the baby classes, read the baby books, talk to your mom friends. Seriously though, absolutely nothing can fully prepare you for what lays ahead. We can prepare ourselves as much as possible, but there will always be a steep learning curve, as you discover what works best for you as you go. You are not perfect. You do not need to know everything. This tiny little human (or humans) love you with all their heart. To them, you are amazing. No matter the mistakes you make, you are amazing. Realize that it is perfectly acceptable to not have everything in life sorted out. So forgive yourself for not being “perfect.”
Pat yourself on the back, because you are doing an amazing job mama. We are not meant to do it all. If you follow me on instagram or facebook, you will surely see that you probably have your shit more together than I do and feel a little better about yourself! You will figure out as time passes, that some things become worth your time, while others become a distant memory. So tell me, what should you let go?
[…] The reason I feel incapable of handling these situations? Simple. I have “spirited” children. The word that makes your child seem amazing & special instead of thinking, “holy shit, I have a wild & crazy child.” A simple trip to the library can end in a screaming fit and multiple escape attempts from the building. Trials of dance class end in running laps through the building and giving mom a bloody nose when containment is unsuccessful. It leads me to want to curl up in my safe little house and avoid the glares from strangers in public. I don’t want to hear the whispers of “can’t she control her children.” Managing a spirited child is hard work. It is exhausting both physically and mentally, and sometimes I can barely handle it all. […]