The amount of “mom guilt” I feel on a daily basis is a bit overwhelming. Stories of moms who can easily tote around their kids to public places, while they are perfectly behaved. Is this real life? What am I doing so wrong that I can barely keep my sanity & come home with both my kids from an outing? Having a wild child keeps me fearing public places or trips out in public. Moms who take their kids solo on adventures to museums, parks, hikes in the woods, even out to eat. What am I doing wrong to be missing out on all these things?
The reason I feel incapable of handling these situations? Simple. I have “spirited” children. The word that makes your child seem amazing & special instead of thinking, “holy shit, I have a wild & crazy child.” A simple trip to the library can end in a screaming fit and multiple escape attempts from the building. Trials of dance class end in running laps through the building and giving mom a bloody nose when containment is unsuccessful. It leads me to want to curl up in my safe little house and avoid the glares from strangers in public. I don’t want to hear the whispers of “can’t she control her children.” Managing a spirited child is hard work. It is exhausting both physically and mentally, and sometimes I can barely handle it all.
Being embarrassed of my wild child is selfish. He is curious, adventurous, and interested in the world around him, friendly, outgoing, silly and loud. He has all these amazing characteristics that will one day turn him into a smart, successful adult. Who am I to let my insecurities as a parent, influence his exploration and behaviors?
Tips for Managing a Spirited Child
Let go of your self-consciousness
A huge part of my stress over having a wild child is the mom-shaming. It comes from other moms, grandmas, and all kinds of people in the community. The stares and dirty looks that I try to ignore, weigh on me long after they happen. The worst is people trying to say positive things, while they glare at you in disgust, their actions and words not lining up. The judgments pile up, and as difficult as it is to rise above, you have to rise above it.
If you’re an emotionally driven person like me, this task seems impossible. I take all the whispers and stares as a personal attack against me and my parenting. It leads to me to dissolve into tears in the car or at home. I’m working to be more thick skinned, but it is a constant battle. I imagine the freedom I’ve felt as I give up caring what people think about my messy home or car. I know that embracing my wild child will help him to be himself, and grow into who he is meant to be.
Encourage their wild energy into physical tasks
My son is FULL of energy. Part of his “spirited” difficulties arise when we are forcing him to attend to a task or a class where he is required to sit still or focus all his attention for a long period of time. While I definitely do believe it’s important for children to learn to listen and sit, I’ve found that giving him plenty of physical activity and freedom go a long way in improving his mood. Running free at the playground, open gym at gymnastics, swimming in our pool, running races in the backyard that are loosely structured, are exactly what he loves. Lately we’ve been working on combining the physical activity with paying attention in dance class and have about a 15-20 minute attention span, and improving on a weekly basis!
Always have a plan
When I leave the house I always have a “worst case scenario” planned. I used this a lot with teaching physical therapy students in the clinic while working with challenging patients. Having a “best case scenario” and “worst case scenario” action plan in place, allows you to feel more prepared, less surprised, and more capable of handling the curveballs as they come. In the case of children, usually I prepare for “What if someone has an accident?”, “What do I do when one kid refuses to leave the playground?”, “What would I do if someone falls and gets hurt?”. I plan in my head the order of what to do with each kid, have extra supplies in the car to assist with my planning, etc. Of course, not everything always goes according to plan, but planning for alternate outcomes for our adventures helps me to stay sane!
Pack bribery snacks at all times
Bribery works. There are parents who will judge me on this for sure. Am I the mom that bribes my kids with chocolate chips (granola bars) to leave the playground when its time to go to avoid total meltdown? Did I promise my son a Buzz Lightyear toy once he can participate in an entire dance class? Sure. I keep a stash of snacks they love in our bag, so that when we leave gymnastics they will sit quietly in the lobby scarfing down their snack. This gives me time to quickly put on shoes, and lead them to the car with good behavior. Spending all that energy being wild and crazy will make them hungry, and snacks will help stave off the hangry and keep them quiet as they eat. Sure, sticker charts for good behavior may work too. Right now I’m in the “instant gratification” timeframe.
Schedule Downtime
Having a wild child means that they are busy & on the go constantly. This means they are burning up energy all day long! Rest is even more so important for managing a spirited child, because their brain needs the time to unwind. My son naps just as hard as he plays. At 3 years old, he is still taking a 3+ hour nap most days, and is ridiculously cranky if he is woken up. If nap time isn’t your kids thing, then taking at least an hour or so for reading quietly, or playing with quiet toys is a great way to let their brain recharge (and give you a little break too).
Find Support in Non-judegmental Friends
Finding the support of other moms you know will not judge you is really the number 1 priority for managing a wild child. My mom friends I keep in my circle are either managing a wild child too, or would never give me a dirty look as I struggle to contain my kids. Instead, we’re all helping each other to corral our kids, listening to each other vent about life challenges, and just trying to be the best moms we can be.
Having a wild child can definitely be overwhelming and stressful at times. My current solution? Only go to places where I know I can contain them by myself safely. That means that we took a break from the Library for a little while. For awhile, we only went to the fenced in playground. We head to controlled environments like open gym at the gymnastic studio where everything is padded and contained (although on occasion we go the HUGE open gymnastics when I really want a workout chasing them). I pack more chocolate chip granola bars and pouches in our bag than we could possibly ever need each time we leave the house.
I try to give myself a break, and not be too hard on myself. Sure, somedays I drink wine and cry to my husband or friend after the kids coat themselves in Desitin. Most days I try to take a deep breath and remember that I am doing the best I can, and guide them to be the best versions of themselves. I treat myself when I can with something just for me. So join me in the challenge to embrace, love, and encourage along your little wild child (or 2!). Come join me on instagram to check out all the wild and crazy we have on a daily basis! Stay strong, you’ve got this momma!
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